Directioner Daydreams

buttgenie:

have you ever had really mean thoughts and snarky whiny remarks in your head oh my god because in my mind i’m an even bigger asshole than i let everybody think i am

merrrpes:

acurlyheadedman:

Six websites I go to when I am upset: 

1) When I am disgruntled 

2) When I need a quiet place 

3) When I want everything to be okay

4) When I need a hug

5) Just click this. 

6) When I need to calm down. 

liquid-liam:

I find it amazing to think, the person that i might marry one day I haven’t even spoke to yet, they could be just sitting in a cafe somewhere, in bed, on the couch, cooking dinner and yet we have no idea of each others existance yet but one day we’ll come to be perfect for each other.

Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling, adjusting to my surroundings. I felt an arm around my waist, my head resting on his chest as it rose and fell with each breath. In the background, the incessant snoring droned on. Turn on my side, I faced and Harry and stared at his beautiful face. Laying my chilled fingers on his warm cheek, memories of last night stirred in my brain. 

After collapsing in Harry’s arms, I had stayed there while the audience broke into applause. With the commingling of our tears, neither I nor Harry was ready to face the paparazzi waiting outside the venue. Harry gently guided me backstage, and while we waited for a car to pick us up, we held each other, not speaking. The silence spoke for itself. It was full of unspoken apologies, broken hearts, and the scares of yesterday. But it was also full of hope and love, the promise that life goes on. On the ride back to our apartment building, I pulled away from Harry and looked into his eyes. Without a second thought, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, pushing my hand through his messy curls while his hands found the small of my back, quenching my longing for his touch since he had left for tour.

We stayed intertwined until we reached the apartment, and now here I was, just like every other morning before tour, absolutely and totally in love with the man lying in front of me. Brushing the curls from his forehead, I kissed his nose and climbed out of bed, pulling on Harry’s grey Calvin Klein boxers and the legendary purple hoodie and tiptoed to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Clearly Harry hadn’t been shopping lately because the cabinets were bare and the food in the fridge was inedible to say the least. I guess he wasn’t too into cleaning either. I quietly grabbed some yoga pants and threw them on, pulling on a pair of uggs and tying my hair in a messy bun, entirely unconcerned with my appearance, and left the apartment. I headed down the street to starbucks, ordering a peppermint mocha for me and orange juice for Harry, and two blueberry muffins, and headed back to the apartment. 

Upon opening the door with my key, I was greeted by a very loud Harry.

“BABE! You’re home! I thought you changed your mind or got hurt or… I thought maybe last night was a dream…” He trailed off as he reached me, wrapping his huge arms around me and burying his head in my shoulder.

“Don’t leave without your phone ever again, you hear me?” He scolded.

“Now who sounds like Daddy Direction…” I giggled. “Let go now Hazza! You’re squishing our breakfast!” Letting go, he pulled back and took his drink and the bag of donuts from me. “Actually, I think this whole ordeal is your fault. Your cabinets had nothing suitable to eat and that fridge… don’t get me started. So I had to get us breakfast.” I smirked at his disgruntled expression as he thought about it. Always having to be the winner, Harry didn’t surprise me when he retorted a few seconds later.

“Well how did you expect the kitchen to stay stocked and clean without a woman around?” He smiled cheekily, laughing as I frowned and stood up, sauntering to the door. “No babe, come back!”  He chuckled, running and grabbing my waist from behind. “I was only kidding. You’re so adorable when you get annoyed, do you know that?” He cupped my chin with his hand and kissed my nose.

“Yes, yes I do.” As he chuckled at my antics, I crossed the living room and entered the kitchen, opening the bag of muffins and putting the two on napkins. I picked up my mocha and pressed it to my lips, taking a long slow sip of the liquid of the gods. Again, I felt Harry’s hug hands wrap around my waist. He tugged the cup out of my hands and picking me up by the waist, he set me on the counter.

“Do you also know how cute you look with foam on you lip?” He winked, and before I could wipe away the foam, Harry kissed it away and pulled back grinning. He leaned in again with lust filled eyes, our kisses growing rougher and more passionate, as his hands found my hips and I wrapped mine around his neck. His hands were about to slip up my shirt when we were interrupted by a loud scream from the living room.

“MY EYES!” Louis voice echoed through the flat, and we turned to see him standing in the entrance to the kitchen, his hands covering his eyes.

“Okay, Lou, we’re decent now,” Harry coughed. Lou peaked through one of his fingers just to check, and I laughed. What did he think, we were gonna strip naked in front of him? But then again, with Harry that would be expected…

“Just because you two are back together does not mean you can flaunt your engagement everywhere. Gosh.”

“Lou, you do know you came to OUR kitchen? That’s not exactly flaunting anything mate.” Harry scoffed.

“Okay, okay. I guess I’m just missing my boyfriend and our nightly snuggles now that he has someone else…”

I looked to Harry questioningly and found him staring at the ground, holding back a sheepish grin.

“Hazza, you didn’t!” I squealed with delight. It was all too much. I started laughing so hard the counter shook. 

“It got lonely…” Harry mumbled, not making eye contact. I could see the corners of his mouth pulling up, and he suddenly roared with laughter too, holding on to the counter so he didn’t fall to the ground.

“Well, I’d love to stay and chat with you crazy people, but Harry we have rehearsals. C’mon mate, before we’re late and Paul grounds us again.” Louis grabbed Harry’s shoulders and steered him out of the room, giving me a feminine wave goodbye.

I hopped off the counter, but before I could grab my mocha, Harry reappeared in the kitchen.

“Dinner tonight, my love? I’ll pick you up here after your photo shoot and we’ll make it something special.” With that, he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and sprinted out the door, slamming it behind him.

- later that day -

I boarded the metro, heading home from a long day of work, and read the text again.

We have to make some changes to the set list and I’m not gonna make it to dinner. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow babe, I promise! I’m so sorry. xx - Harry

I was really disappointed to be honest. I had been looking forward to dinner all day, and last night and this morning had been such bliss that I was sure tonight would be perfect. If only. But it wasn’t Harry’s fault. Who could blame such a cute face?

Exiting the train and walking towards home, I shot Em a text to see if she could hang out. I was determined tonight was going to be fun. Apparently fate disagreed, and she texted back saying she would be up all night studying for a big test tomorrow. Em was scholarly, the Uni girl of the group, but it was nights like these when I wished tests and schools were nonexistent so I could hang out with someone. sigh.

Entering the apartment, I decided on a night of take-in and movies. But first, I showered, the hot water soothing my tired muscles. Emerging from the bathroom in my pink robe and slippers, I saw a box sitting on the bed. Looking around the room, it was empty, so i tiptoed to the box.

Taped to the top was a card that read To The Future Mrs. Styles. On the back, scrawled in Harry’s handwriting, was Put this on and wait for me ;) Opening the box I thought to myself, ‘you cheeky boy, this better not be lingerie. Just because you sang to me - ’ I stopped mid-sentence because under the tissue paper was not what I expected. There was a gorgeous dress, the entire thing sparkled in the light. It was short and strapless, and it fit perfectly. I knew this dress all to well though. Before Harry left for tour, we were walking back from the park one day, and we passed a shop. I saw the dress and fell in love with it, but didn’t buy it. How he remembered I will never know, and how he somehow chose the right size?  He’ll always get brownie points for that…

I curled my hair and did my makeup, and at exactly eight o’clock there was a knock on the door. Slipping on my heals, I traipsed across the living room to answer it. I opened the door and there stood Harry, in a tux.

“Hey there Handsome” I managed, a little breathless at his beauty.

“You look… absolutely gorgeous,” he spoke, shaking his head as if trying to figure out if I was real.

“All thanks to you,” I took his hand in mine.

“No Tina, the dress isn’t what makes you gorgeous. It’s you smile. And knowing that you’re all mine,” he grinned, pulling me into the hallway.

“Harry, where are you going?” I protested as he led me opposite of the elevator, towards the stairs.

“Shh, just come on, it’ll only take a second.” Following him up the stairs, I wondered what on earth this boy was up to. Had all these long days away from a woman made him crazy. I was so wrong. 

He opened the door to the roof for me, and held my hand to help me up onto the concrete. I sucked in a breath as I saw what he had done. The entire rooftop was decorated with twinkle lights, illuminating the already bright city lights. In the far corner, there was a table set up formally, with two chairs and candles. Dinner was already laid out on the plates. It was breathtaking.

I turned to Harry to find him watching me and smiling.

“Do you like it?” He asked, taking my hand and leading me to the table.

“It’s truly beautiful.” I replied. “Are these fajitas?” I giggled as we approached the table and I saw the food we’d be eating.

“It’s the only dinner I know how to make! Louis likes my cooking…” Harry protested, looking dejected.

“Well, I love fajitas. If it’s good enough for Boo Bear, it’s good enough for me.” I kissed his cheek. “How did you have time to come up with all this babe?”

“Remember when I said we were making some set changes? Well, we did make set changes, but we finished at five, and I had to set up so… I stalled.” Harry explained.

“It’s perfect, just perfect,” I whispered, glancing at the stars.

Harry reached to an iPod player and turned on some music. 

“May I have this dance, Mrs. Styles,” He reached for my hand and I obliged.

(go here and play this while you read: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mt8jifKlbTc )

I put my hands around his neck as his arms circled my waist and he pulled me close, our hearts beating together as if they were one. With his chin against my hair and my head on his shoulder, he sang softly, filling the night air.

“A drop in the Ocean, a change in the weather

I was praying that you and me might end up together.

It’s like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,

But I’m holding you closer than most,

‘Cause you are my heaven.”

As we danced, he continued to sing, comfortable in the still air of the night. 

“Harry?” I asked.

“What’s up babe,” He asked as we continued to sway to the music.

“Why me?”

“What?”

“Why me? Out of the millions of beautiful girls falling at your feet, why did you choose me?” I expected his reply to be the cliche, ‘you know why babe, cause you’re you,’ but I wanted more.

“Because we work. I’m stubborn and so are you. But you make me happy. I come home from work to your smiling face and suddenly all the stress and frustration and exhaustion is erased. We can be silly together, but we both cry at movies. You fit right in with the boys, they love you, and so do I. The way your face illuminates at the simplest of gestures, it’s a face I’ve fallen in love with. We’ve made it through the hardest of times, and here we are together, dancing in the moonlight, crazy in love.” Harry stopped talking, his voice cracking.

“Thank you,” was all I said, pulling back from Harry and planting a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I love you so much, you know that right?” I nodded, a single tear escaping my eye. Harry reached up and brushed it away with his thumb, tucking some of my hair behind my ear before his hands went to my waist. Picking me up as I kicked off my heels, he placed my feet on his, and we danced that way, wrapped in the tightest embrace until the music had finished and we were swaying in total silence.

All of a sudden, there came a loud noise from behind me, and pulling back from Harry, I found a helicopter attempting to LAND on the rooftop.

“Harry, what’s happening? Is that the paparazzi? It this illegal? Is that the police coming to arrest us?” I screamed, the sound from the propeller too loud to think. I hid behind Harry, my hands firmly planted on his shoulders, my head against his back.

“Calm down Tina,” he chuckled. “This is our ride.”

“What?” I asked, but Harry was already climbing in the helicopter, and with no choice but to follow him. 

Once we were settled in the helicopter, Harry’s arms firmly around me, it took off from the building.

“Seriously, Hazza, where are we going? This is scary.”

“Look, out the window. Do you see those stars?”

“Yes…”

“Well, I think each star is someone we love, someone who’s passed away, looking down on us, keeping us safe, guarding us.” Harry said simply.

“That’s magical,” I sighed, turning to glance at the stars.

“So I thought we’d come visit Darcy.” He finished.

You can read my whole fanfic here: http://onedirectionfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?sid=9193

Let me know what you think and like if you read it please! :) xx

— Tina’s POV —

Pulling on my nude pumps, I grabbed my clutch and iPhone off the dresser and went to Zayn’s living room, closing the door of the spare bedroom behind me. 

“Zayn! It’s almost time to go! Liam will be knocking on the door if you don’t hurry up!” How that boy could take so long looking the mirror I will never understand. Of course I never looked long in the mirror because all I saw looking back was regret and sadness. and Harry and Darcy. 

“Louis takes forever to get ready, we’ll be fine,” Zayn shouted back. Assuming I’d be waiting for awhile, I settled on the couch and pulled out my phone, my excitement about the evening ahead growing.

Tonight the boys (minus Harry), Em and I were going to an intimate charity concert Ed Sheeran was hosting. Since he wrote for the boys and we all loved his music, we’d been planning to attend to event for ages. It had been a few days since I’d seen Harry in the hallway, felt his tired hands touch my skin, and I hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that I should just go back to him. Accept his apology and fall into his arms for eternity. 

But I couldn’t do that. I’m too stubborn to let him get away with hurting me like this. Sighing, I logged onto Twitter, killing time, and scrolled through some tweets. One in particular stood out. And broke my heart.

@Harry_Styles: I’ve been missing you. But tonight that’ll end.

I didn’t have time to think what that meant because I heard Zayn’s footsteps approaching as the smell of hairspray wafted past my nose. Putting my phone in my clutch, I stood up, turning to face Zayn.

“You look beautiful, babe,” Zayn said cheekily, his eyes acknowledging my formfitting red dress. 

“Thanks, you’re quite handsome yourself,” I winked. 

A knock at the door distracted us, and Zayn went to open the door, revealing Liam in a suit vest and tie, and Em in a short, navy blue dress. 

“Hey guys! Ready to go?” Liam asked.

“Yes Daddy,” I mocked, as I headed to the door, grabbing Em’s hand and pulling her away from Liam and towards the elevator.

“Your dress is gorg best friend!” Em exclaimed, as she locked her arm with mine. 

“Not as beautiful as yours!” I continued in our usual pattern of best friend flattery.

“I just want to get to the concert,” Em sighed. “If I could marry a voice, it’d be Ed Sheeran’s, for sure.”

“I can hear you ya know,” came Liam from behind us as he and Zayn caught up, Louis and Niall trailing behind us.

“Oh yes, I know.” Em replied cheekily as we boarded the elevator. “You were supposed to hear.”

Liam grabbed her waist from behind and picked her up, spinning her around and making her giggle as the elevator moved towards the lobby.

“Careful you two. Liam’s lovey dovey antics are going to break the elevator.” Zayn through an arm around my shoulder, distracting me from the cute couple enough to get my emotions, which were still reeling from the hidden meaning of the tweet, in check.

Sitting down in our front row seats, Em and I prepared to fangirl all night long. We’d loved Ed’s music even before we’d met him through the boys, so needless to say, we were ecstatic to be there. After the theater had been filled and the lights dimmed, Ed appeared on the stage. I jumped up and screamed, along with Em and the other hundreds of girls in the auditorium, while Louis and Zayn laughed at our antics and Liam mocked sadness.

After singing a few of his more popular songs lie A Team and Drunk, Ed began to strum the first chords of Lego House. I closed my eyes as the lyrics filled the auditorium, letting his voice take me back in time, to before Harry left for tour. 

Harry and I had been fighting over some little thing that day, but the arguement escalated. He was under pressure from the upcoming tour and I was stressed about the baby. We ended up screaming at each other, and he told me if I didn’t like it, I could leave. So I did, going to the park, and sitting on the slide until it was dark. 

Just as it was getting cold, I felt a pair of warm hands pick me up like a baby. Harry pressed his face into my hair and kissed it, his warm tears landing on my should as I wrapped both arms around his neck. My tears mingled with his, soaking his Jack Willis hoodie.

“I thought you’d never come,” I choked out, my voice raspy from crying and shaky from the cold breeze.

“I will always come for you baby. I left the minute you did. I’ve been looking through the city all night for you. You left your phone at home and when I couldn’t find you I thought… ” He stopped, getting choked up. 

“Nevermind that. Let me take you home,” He whispered as he proceeded to carry me all the way to the bedroom of the apartment.

When I woke up crying that night, Harry heard me. Turning his body towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist he asked

“What’s wrong, babe?”

“I had a dream that… that you left for tour and never came back and… Harry I don’t think I could ever loose you. I love you so much.” 

His arms tightened around my form as he pulled my head onto his chest so that I could hear his heart beating next to mine.

“Listen to me Tina. You won’t ever have to be without me, okay? I will always come home to you.”

“But what if — ” Harry put his finger to his lips, interrupting me. Delicately he lifted my chin towards his face and kissed me, passionately yet gently.

“Now go to sleep! You need your rest. I’ll be right here.” I intertwined our hands and then shut my eyes, listening to the rise and fall of his chest. After a few minutes, he began to sing me to sleep with that deep, beautiful voice of his.

I’m gonna pick up the pieces,

and build a lego house

if things go wrong we can knock it down

My three words have two meanings,

there’s one thing on my mind

It’s all for you

And it’s dark in a cold December, 

but I’ve got ya to keep me warm

and if you’re broken I will mend ya

and keep you sheltered from

the storm that’s raging on now

I’m out of touch, I’m out of love

I’ll pick you up when you’re getting down

and out of all these things I’ve done 

I think I love you better now

The lyrics were beautiful and perfect. The lyrics were us. I had always thought of this as our song from that moment, but as Ed sang the words, I felt my heart burst. After remembering how beautiful that night had been, I felt empty. Gutted. Alone. And I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face as he sang the final words.

I will love you better now.

As the crowd applauded, Ed got closer to the mic.

“Thank you everyone. If you could take a seat for a minute please.” He paused while everyone sat down. “Recently a friend of mine went through a tragedy and it was something no one should ever have to go through. Well after hearing about it, I wrote a song, and I’d like to play it for you tonight. It’s called Small Bump.”

I closed my eyes, wiping away my tears and waiting yet again for Ed’s angelic voice to sing the melody. Instead, a deeper, younger voice echoed through the crowd. 

You’re just a small bump unborn, in four months you’re brought to life,

You might be left with my hair, but you’ll have your mother’s eyes,

I’ll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can, but for now your scan of my unmade plans,

A small bump in four months, you’re brought to life

I opened my eyes, comprehending the lyrics and knowing all to well the voice that sang them. Looking up at the stage, I locked my eyes with Harry’s own tear-filled green orbs. Darcy. He was singing it for Darcy. 

I’ll hold you tightly, I’ll give you nothing but truth,

If you’re not inside me, I’ll put my future in you

You are my one and only.

You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

Oh, you are my one and only.

You can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight.

And you’ll be alright.

As I watched Harry came closer and closer to the edge of the stage, never breaking eye contact with me, the tears constantly streaming down his cheeks. I saw the pain and the guilt and the anger in his eyes that mirrored my own. Looking at him I felt like he finally understood the pain I went through as he continued to sing Ed’s beautiful song about Darcy. But the end, the ending of the song was like a slap in the gut. 

You can lie with me,

With your tiny feet

When you’re half asleep,

I’ll leave you be.

Right in front of me

For a couple weeks

So I can keep you safe.

Harry’s voice broke as he sang of all the things he never got to do with our baby girl. And as he broke down on stage, my heart broke inside for him. For this final realization she was really gone and we were over. The last words of the song were barely a whisper, but they could be heard above the crowd’s silence. It was then I realized I was the only one standing.

You were just a small bump unborn just four months then torn from life.

Maybe you were needed up there but we’re still unaware as why. 

As his voice faded out and he stepped down from the stage, I comprehended the finality of the lyrics and collapsed into his approaching form, sobbing in front of all of London.

“Harry!” I jumped up from where Zayn and I were and ran into his arms. 

I expected his arms to curl around me like always, to feel the strength in his muscles and everything would be okay. But I didn’t get my way. He touched me only for a brief second to push me off of his body and push past me towards his apartment and Zayn.

“Harry I don’t understand. What happened?” I practically shouted at him. 

“Are you stupid? Apparently I was, but I’m not anymore. If you and Zayn want to be together, then just do it, but don’t pretend like you and I can ever be okay again.” He slurred. He was drunk, the smell of alcohol and vomit reaching my nose, becoming more noticeable as I approached him again.

“ME AND ZAYN? Where in the world did you get that idea?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe from the paparazzi when I came to the park to apologize. I walked up and the first thing I heard was ‘Harry Styles how do you feel about your fiancé cheating on you with bandmate Zayn Malik?’  And then Zayn said to you just now you could have ‘one big sleepover’ just the two of you and you agreed? How am I supposed to feel? You were my fiance and -“

“You really think I cheated on you? Really Harry?” I scoffed”The pap saw me crying and Zayn come after me and probably assumed we were up to something. And you didn’t even hear our whole conversation! I was staying at Zayn’s so I could fix things with you, but that won’t be necessary now will it?” He was making me so angry. Accusing me of something I had never once thought of since I met him.

“But you looked so happy when I got to the park.  You couldn’t have been that happy when we just lost Darcy. It probably wasn’t even my baby was it?”

“That’s because WE didn’t just lose Darcy, you did. I lost her two weeks ago. Remember when I started calling you less and less on tour? Did you ever think maybe something was wrong? Maybe I wasn’t just busy, but sick? and heartbroken. and torn into a million pieces trying to figure out how I was going to tell you I lost your whole future. Did you ever think that?”

Harry didn’t respond, but stood there in an awed silence like a deer in the headlights.

“You didn’t think did you? You just assumed I was cheating when you heard the paparazzi, and when you heard Zayn offer to let me stay at his place so I could be near YOU, or when you thought about how we talked less on tour, didn’t you? that’s what I thought.”

I stepped right up to his face, only one thing left to tell him before I knew the tears would spill out of my eyes for the third time today. “And one more thing. If thinking Darcy wasn’t yours makes you feel better about yourself, then go ahead. But she was your baby Harry and you know it. I know it. You didn’t see - ” I couldn’t talk about her like that, not now. I stepped back out of his face, backing towards Zayn’s apartment as I watched the tears start to flood his eyes. I pulled at my ring finger of my left hand, grasping the engagement ring.

“Take this back and talk to me when you’re not drunk off your ass.” And with that I turned and ran, opened the door to Zayn’s apartment and, slamming it shut behind me, slid to the floor and sobbed in the fetal position.

— Harry’s POV —

I didn’t know what to say. or do. or feel. I take that back, I did know what to feel. Hurt. Regret. Guilt. An unquenchable thirst for Tina’s hand in mine. I watched her figure retreating, her words sobering me immediately.

From behind me I heard a tentative cough and, turning, found a bewildered Zayn standing among Tina’s belongings, now effectively creating a barrier between him and his apartment. 

“I’m sorry mate. I didn’t… I wasn’t… I just…” I started, fumbling for the right words.

“No worries, mate.” Zayn gave a half smile as he headed past me and patted my shoulder.

“Zayn who were you texting the whole tour? Earlier I figured it was Tina, but now…”

“You’ll meet her soon enough,” the man of mystery winked. “I’ll start moving Tina’s stuff to my apartment if that’s alright?”

“Take care of her for me?” I said with a sad half smile as a leftover tear trickled down my cheek. I abruptly wiped it away. Seeing Zayn’s nod in response, I turned and opened the door to my apartment, not wanting to face the reality that I had truely lost Tina today, and all on my own account.

I sat on the couch, curling in the fetal position, and with the assurance of an empty apartment, I cried. I cried for Tina. For Darcy. For Zayn. For Me. And for the hell I’d created.

The next morning, after I’d cried all the tears I’d thought humanly possible, and then some, I showered and dressed, headed to the only person who I thought could help me get Tina back. 

Knocking on the door of his apartment, I waited for him to answer. No one came to the door when I knocked, and I thought ‘shit I’ve come all this way and he’s not even hear?’ but my fears were relieved when a few minutes later, the door opened and a ginger head appeared in the door way.

“Man you look like hell,” Ed stated, bold and correct.

“Ed I’ve really screwed up. Not like before. I lost her this time. I need help to get her back. I just don’t know what I can do to fix this…” My voice broke as I choked on my words, the emotions of yesterday coming back in a tsunami-sized wave.

“Come on in mate.” Ed opened the door wider, as I stepped inside his flat and settled down on the couch.

I spent the next hour explaining everything that had happened in the past days. Coming home from tour to Tina, her miscarriage, when I broke the vase and sent her crying, the park scene, and my most vivid memory of her response when I asked if Darcy was even mine. When I was explaining what I saw at the park, Ed picked up a napkin off of the coffee table in front of us and started scribbling down something that looked like lyrics.

“Really man, you’re going to write a song right now? I’m in the middle of a crisis and you’re writing your next hit?”

“I’m going to help you get her back,” came Ed’s simple response.

We’d see about that. It would take a lot of convincing to prove myself to Tina. 

It’d been a week since we’d returned from the tour. I hadn’t seen Tina since that day. She was staying with Zayn, but he wouldn’t tell me anything more than that. The boys and I had the week off, so Em and Liam were spending all their time together, but whenever I would see them in the hallway, Liam would give me a comforting pat, and Em would glare. She had obviously heard what I’d done, and wasn’t too happy with me breaking her best friend’s heart after what Tina had just been through with Darcy. Em had been with her since the beginning, but I just wished she could understand how sorry I was. No, really I wanted Tina to understand how sorry I was. But since she either rarely left the apartment or just timed her entrances and exits perfectly for when I wasn’t around, I  couldn’t tell her. Ed’s plan would have to work, or I would be facing a long, lonely life.

Today as I climbed the stairs, I heard a faint jingling of keys, softer than any of the boys’ would be if they were opening their apartment door. I knew it must be either Em or Tina, so I ran with hopeful steps.

Reaching the landing, I saw her small, tan, curvy frame leaning into the door of Zayn’s apartment as she carried her Top Shop bags inside.

“Tina!” I practically yelled. Why I yelled I’ll never understand, as my frantic steps placed me within a few feet of her by the time the sounds escaped my lips. Her startled face turned to me, and as she recognized my voice, her indifferent smile changed to a disgruntled expression. 

I stood just staring at her face, taking in her beauty. She stared back, with no words left to say to me.

“I’m just so sorry. I can’t… I just can’t think how much I hurt you. Enough to make you not love me. I’m sorry.” 

Tears formed in her eyes as she spoke. “Harry, I’ll always love you. Forever, no matter what. But we can’t be together if you don’t trust me.” A single tear fell from her eyes, and I unconsciously reached up and wiped it away with my thumb, my fingers lingering on her face. It was such a beautiful moment, and I wished the seconds lasted forever. But she turned away and entered Zayn’s apartment. As the door shut behind her, I found a renewed energy from being in her presence. 

With purpose in my step, I left the apartment building, my initial intentions of coming home forgotten, and headed to the coffee shop, dialing Ed’s number. We had some work to do.

“Harry Styles how do you feel about your fiancé cheating on you with bandmate Zayn Malik?” 

The words echoed in my head as I tried to understand the woman’s question. Tina cheating with Zayn? Whoever started this rumor must have been on something strong… I turned to look at the two swinging, Tina now giggling, her grin ear to ear as Zayn pushed her on the swing, tickling her from behind and finally causing her to fall into the sand. He reached down to help her up, but she pulled him down next to her instead. She seemed her happy, normal self as she rested her head on his chest, while his hand snaked around her and brushed the sand off of her shoulder.

“Zayn would never do that to me, and Tina sure as hell wouldn’t cheat. They’re best friends, end of story. Please leave my fiance and my best friend alone.” With that I turned and left the park, getting away from the paparazzi without a second thought. 

I knew the paparazzi had been fed lies about Tina cheating, but watching the two just now left little to the imagination. If the paparazzi was looking to accuse them, they just go some evidence, and I felt slightly doubtful of Tina and Zayn’s loyalty after watching the joy in her eyes with Zayn that I hadn’t seen there since I left for tour. Maybe my asshole routine when Tina told me the news caused this, but as I walked back to the apartment, I began to think of more and more things that led me to believe what the pap had said was, indeed, true.

All of tour, Zayn had been texting someone, all day long until we had a show, and would never tell the boys who it was. Once on the tour bus we even threatened to break his phone when he wouldn’t give a name. “Someone really special,” he always said, “but we’re taking is slow. You boys’ll know when the time comes, okay?” and walked off, leaving us as unsatisfied (and entrigued) as ever.

Tina’s calls over the second half of the tour had dramatically decreased, and I was worried that we were growing apart, that she didn’t want to do the long-distance thing, until a call from Em reassured me she was just busy with dance rehearsals and baby preparations.

Their behavior just added up and… maybe because I was still reeling from finding out Darcy was gone or maybe I just couldn’t contain my feelings any longer, I stopped in the middle of the street and just screamed. I screamed for Darcy, for Tina, for Zayn, for Em, for me. This wasn’t the homecoming I had planned. And I was done letting Tina hide things from me. First the miscarriage, and now a secret relationship.

I had a plan in mind to find out the truth. With a purpose now, I stopped screaming, turned on my heels, and hightailed it back to the hotel, stopping by a bar on the way to collect my barrings and take away the pain.

— Tina’s POV —

“No, Zayn! What’re you doing?!” I cried as Zayn threw me over his shoulder and began to carry me through the lobby of our apartment building. My outburst and our melodious laughter as he headed to the stairs eluded concerned looks from the doormen. 

“Hi Bart!” I sang out to him, trying to act as normal as a person can when their body is folded in half over Zayn Malik’s shoulder.

“Hey Tina, Zayn,” came his faint reply as Zayn began climbing the stairs to the second floor, where we stopped and took the elevator the rest of the way to the eighth floor. Zayn claimed it was so I wouldn’t get hurt riding on his shoulder, but I knew it was because he was tired from our park escapade.

“Thanks for today Zayn. I really needed that,” I said, leaning over to hug his neck.

“Anytime, babe, anytime.”

As we reached our floor and stepped off, I let out a huge gasp and Zayn dropped his hand from my waist as we both took in the sight. Boxes were spilled all over the corridor, some neatly packed and others open and sideways, with the contents strewn on the floor. But the most shocking thing was I recognized the girl’s clothing. It was mine. 

I ripped open the nearest box and found my toothbrush and hair dryer and everything mine that was in our apartment. Harry’s apartment. I climbed over the massive pile of boxes to door 818 and knocked frantically.

“Harry, Hazza what’s going on? Babe I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but it had to wait. Baby please just open up so we can talk. Ple-” and my voice cracked. I began to sob and shake, for the second time today, as I leaned my back against the door and slid to the floor, filled with worry and regret and lost hope. 

As I reached the floor, I found  a note that had been set in lieu of my arrival. Tina was scrawled in Harry’s handwriting across the front.

   Tina,

       I can’t do this anymore. We needed Darcy to keep us together. I hope you understand.

                                   - Harry

“What does it say, love?” Zayn cautiously approached, sitting next to me  and pulling my head to his shoulder. I handed him the note, my hands noticeably shaking next to his steady, strong fingers.

“What am I supposed to do? Hazza’s my life, my whole life,” I cried into Zayn’s chest.

“I don’t know, but everything will be okay, I know it. Harry will make sense of this and come back to himself. shh, it’ll be okay Tina.” Zayn’s words calmed me and I finally stopped racking my body with sobs. 

“In the meantime, you can stay with me if you want.”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to intrude, but I really need to be close to Harry and Em right now…” I bit my lip in anticipation.

“Of course! It’ll be like one big sleepover! Just you and me!”

“That’s exactly what you want, isn’t it?” came a voice from the stairwell. “You thought you’d get away with these shenanigans, huh? Thought you could fool me? No, I won’t have it. And I just got all the proof I need,” Harry said, emerging from the shadows.

(you can also read my fanfic here: http://onedirectionfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?sid=9193 :) )

Let me know what you think :)

I glanced up from my hunched position in time to catch Zayn leaving the apartment after Tina. Figures. Zayn always went to her for relationship advice or when he was missing home. The two had an unspoken bond. Hopefully he’d fix her, make her understand it wasn’t her I was mad at.

Noticing the shuffling of feet near the entrance to the kitchen, I stood up and found myself face to face with Em.

“You absolute asshole. Do you not understand what you just did? She kept that form you for two weeks, kept it bottled inside so you wouldn’t have to be upset on tour. She had to bury her own child alone. Do you even have an idea of how much confidence it took for her to tell you? And then you go and shatter the vase like it’s her fault? No. You better fix this!”

What right did Em have to yell at me? I just found out I won’t ever get to see Darcy, and I get yelled at because I let out my feelings. In frustration I reached out and shoved her. I only meant to shove her out of my face, but her five foot frame was so tiny she flew across the room and hit the wall.

“GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER” Liam shouted at me.

“Two weeks?!? She was my baby too! Tina had no right to keep it from me! What the – “

Before I could finish my sentence, Em had bounded across the room, pushing a frantic Liam and Niall out of the way, and slapped me right across the face.

“It’s not her fault. It will never be her fault. But if you lose her because of this, the fault will be all yours.” Em whispered with blurred eyes and a shaking voice, bringing me out of rage and back to reality. With that, she swiftly turned around and left the room with Liam and Niall, a slight limp detectable in her gaite. That would be my fault too.

Em’s words replayed in my head “if you lose her because of this, the fault will be all yours.” I couldn’t, I just couldn’t lose her. She was the one. She IS the one. And I’d hurt her.

It was all too much. This day had been nothing like I’d planned. I slid back against the wall and began to cry, the sobs shaking my shoulder. My knees gave in just as my head found Louis shoulder. He held me tight while I sobbed for the pain I’d caused in just one split second of not thinking.

After I cried a river in Louis’ arms and cleaned myself up, Tina still wasn’t home. It had been two hours since she had left the apartment, and I was getting worried. Not that I expected her to be happy and lovingly greet me at our door, but I missed her and felt torn knowing I hurt her.

I set off to find my fiancé, knocking on Zayn’s door to see if she was there, but getting no reply. I checked Liam and Em’s apartment, but a stiff Liam informed me they hadn’t seen or heard from Tina despite Em’s desperate attempts. He then promptly shut the door in my face. Ouch. I would fix that after I found Tina.

I set off in the direction of the park Tina and I always visited, where I proposed and she first told me about Darcy. I smiled sadly as the thought of the park brought back so many memories, like when I first met Tina. We were shooting our More Than This music video, and she was cast as the girl I would pine over, sing songs for. She radiated warmth and joy, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her the whole time we were shooting. Needless to say, I didn’t need to act in the video, everything felt so real. It was the beginning of a beautiful life together. Or it would be if I hadn’t royally screwed things up.

I finally reached the park, and as my eyes scanned the familiar surroundings, I found Tina swinging on the swings with Zayn. Her eyes were puffy and red, but the giggles escaping her lips told me Zayn had worked his magic, made her happy even for a fraction of a second as they swung childishly on the swings.

An unconscious smile captured my lips at the sight.

As I began and to approach the pair, I noticed a sudden buzz coming from behind me and, turning, discovered a group of paparazzi who had come out of nowhere. Great. Just what I needed. Trying to fix things with Tina in front of this crew would be impossible. Just as I turned back towards the swings, one reporter stepped forward and shoved their microphone in my face.

“Harry Styles how do you feel about your fiancé cheating on you with bandmate Zayn Malik?”

“5 more minutes!” Louis screamed from beside me. 5 minutes until we were home from tour. Just 5minutes until I could see my fiance’s beautiful face again. And those 5 minutes felt like an eternity. When we finally pulled up to our building, the boys scrambled to the door and scurried up the stairs, headed to mine and tina’s flat, where Tina and Emily, Em for short, awaited our arrival.

Tina and I had been dating 6 months when I knew she was the one. At dinner on our sixth month anniversary, I softly sang gotta be you to her over dessert, kneeling down and ensuring my happiness for the rest of my life. Now, 6 months later, I couldn’t wait to see her face after two months away on tour. I also couldn’t wait to talk to Darcy, our baby girl who would be arriving in 6 and a half months.

Following close to the boys, I climbed the stairs, each step bringing me closer to my family, the one thing that kept me sane. The boys pushed through the doors of flat 818. 

My eyes found Tina and I ran to embrace the form I never wished to leave. Holding Tina close, I muttered sweet nothings in her ear while tears ran down both of our cheeks. While she cried into my shoulder and held tightly to my neck, I caressed her hair, savoring its sweet smell, and held tight to her waist with no plans of letting go anytime soon. Looking over Tina’s head, I noticed Em and Liam wrapped in a similar embrace while the rest of the boys prepared to engulf them in a group hug. They didn’t dare do the same with Tina as they were given stern warnings by me that the pregnant woman was not to be touched.

Em and Liam had been dating for almost eight months now. Tina and I had set them up, a best friend and a bandmate, and the two had hit it off. I was glad Tina had someone to watch over her pregnant self while I was away. It was perfect: daddy direction was always with the boys, and Em, who we all considered our little sister that acted like a motherly figure, took care of the things at home. I glanced down at Tina, who pulled away and gently stoked my cheek. 

“I will never, ever leave you again baby.”

I must’ve been talking louder than I thought because now everyone was looking at us.

“That’s good because…” Tina started

I interrupted her, kissing her stomach, saying “You either Darcy, now that we’re a family.”

I beamed up at her expecting an equal grin back, but all I met were sad, almost haunted eyes with what I suspected were not happy tears. I looked at the boys, thoroughly confused. Had I missed something? The boys’ faces reflected back my confusion, but then I saw Em’s sympathetic expression. 

As Em caught my glance, she locked her gaze with Tina, saying “Tell him.”

“Tell me what?” I glanced between Em and Tina before finally settling on Tina’s face. I could see all the boys doing the same, except Liam, whose equally concerned gaze landed on Em and stayed there while his hand on her shoulder begged for her attention. But she never removed her eyes from Tina, and Tina would look nowhere but at Em. 

I tried to reach for her, to find out whatever was hurting her and make it stop through touch, but she shrugged me away. Frustrated and scared, I looked away.

“Em?” Hoping she’d give me something to work with. Em just shook her head slightly, while Tina’s big, beautiful, brown eyes stared directly into Em’s, as if it were her lifeline.

“I can’t” Tina almost whispered. 

Em approached Tina, uttering softly “you have to.” Em engulfed Tina in a quick hug before grabbing Niall, Liam, Zayn and Louis and ushering them into the kitchen so we could have more privacy.

I stood up from where I had knelt to kiss her stomach, pulling her closer and resting my hands on her waist, keeping her from running away. 

“What is it babe? You know you can tell me anything.” Tina wouldn’t look in my eyes, so I gently cupped her chin with my right hand and lifted her head so I could see her eyes. Gently I brushed the dark, curly hair from her forehead, resting my hand back on her waist as I saw her lips begin to utter something I couldn’t quite hear.

“What?” I asked.

“I lost her. I lost our Darcy.” by now tears were streaming down her face, shadows filling her eyes, her figure backing away.

As the impact of the words hit me, I felt shocked, hurt, and angry. I knew it was my place to hold her, comfort her, tell her everything would be okay. But I couldn’t do that. 

She lost Darcy. No. Not Darcy. Anything but my family.

I stepped back from Tina, removing my hands from her waist and clenching them in fists at my sides. This couldn’t be true.

“What… what do you mean you… lost her?” I gasped.

“I had a miscarriage. She’s gone Hazza,” Tina breathed. “Darcy’s gone.”

In anger, I screamed “Don’t say her name!” and slammed the nearest thing, a huge glass vase of flowers to the floor. As the gift I had given Tina before I left on tour shattered into a million pieces, Tina jumped back in fright and began sobbing uncontrollably. I had just shattered any confidence and hope she had for our future with my careless action, but I was too angry to understand. 

I slumped against the wall behind me. Five figures emerged from the kitchen in time to see a sobbing tina mumble

“I’m so sorry Harry” as she disappeared from the flat.